she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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