i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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