you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
