It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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