I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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