dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
