Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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