just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
