If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
