I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
