Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
