I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
