btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
