I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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