hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
