Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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