also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
