I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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