I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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