While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
