Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
