Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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