i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
