Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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