he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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