I skipped work to stalk him.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
