Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
