He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
