The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
