So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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