They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize