ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I won the penis lottery.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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