i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
