i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
