It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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