someone get that fucking seahorse.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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