STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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