my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
even my farts smell like vagina
this just has baby written all over it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
