I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
