What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just blew my weed a kiss
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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