Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
