Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
