I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
