went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
