I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize