He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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