ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love accidental penises.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
