I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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