I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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