she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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