OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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