Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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