if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
