every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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