who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
