I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
