is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
