Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
