Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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