Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
