If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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