Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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