Will you blow on my dice?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
