Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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