My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize