He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
