just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
