Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
