I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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