I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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