ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
