Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
