Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
