I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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