I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
