So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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