when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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