literally had 100 drinks last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
